


tell me why i feel this way (losing confidence)

by orphan_account



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Aged-Up Peter Parker, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awkward Crush, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Quentin is Mysterio, Quentin still works at Stark Industries, Secret Identity, but he’s not Mysterio because of Tony, i don’t have a plan for this let’s see how it goes, i wrote this during school, peter is 20, probably no smut but we’ll see, they’re enemies they just don’t know it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-09-25 20:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20377975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There are very few things that make Peter Parker nervous. Unfortunately, Quentin Beck is one of those things.[previous title: it’s a place fear creates (i’ll be here for a long time)]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [bring it on home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20038093) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 

> title from: TrusT- half•alive

Peter Parker isn’t nervous anymore. Being Spider-Man for five years has made a world of a difference. Does he still have moments where he’s a bit clumsy and unsure? Absolutely. But not much gets to him anymore. Comes with the gig, he guesses. The monsters aren’t getting any scarier and the villains definitely aren’t getting any smarter. He’s not a wobbly teenager anymore, and there are few things that throw him off his balance. Unfortunately, one of those things happened to be Quentin Beck. 

Quentin works at Stark Industries, used to work right beneath Tony, actually. With that being said, they didn’t like each other all that much, but as scientists, they respected one another. That’s where Peter first heard about him. He was a mumbling 16 year old with a habit of speaking very quickly and being unsure of how to act when he met the man. At first, there didn’t seem to be anything too special about Beck. He was just another one of Tony’s associates. One of his partners. He didn’t pay much attention to him running through the halls with scientific breakthroughs just on the tip of his tongue. 

What made him uneasy around Quentin was Tony’s disdain for him. If Mr. Stark didn’t seem to like him, why should he? That was his mentality until he actually carried on a conversation with the scientist. One discussion about Quentin’s new project and Peter was shaken to his core. After that, he seemed to have a bit of an infatuation with the older man. Much to Tony’s dismay, the boy was always eager to speak with Beck, but he seemed to make Peter happy, and who was Tony to deny him that? It was after a few weeks that Peter began to realize just what his infatuation actually was. 

What could he call it, really? A crush seemed too juvenile, but continuing to refer to it as some sort of infatuation just made Peter sound like a creep. The fact that Quentin was nearly twenty years his senior at the time only made the whole situation sound even more creepy. But whatever he wanted to call it, it just didn’t seem to go away. It was only worsened by the fact that Peter had just started working on a project with Quentin. Alone. 

It stayed that way for a while. Peter would want to make a move on Beck, but he’d realize how ridiculous that sounded and then proceed to scold himself for even thinking he could ever be with the man. It didn’t help that Beck was also the most beautiful human Peter ever had the privilege of looking at. Maybe it was all a bit dramatic, but that’s teenagers for you. He worked with Quentin on their project for about a year. It wasn’t anything crazy, and they were barely even working. It was more like them having conversations that lasted for hours on end and Peter feeling himself falling more and more. 

Things fell apart by the time Peter was 18. It was the year of the snap, the blip, whatever you want to call it. It turned his life upside down and tore through his soul. When he finally came back five years later, Tony was taken from him, and that’s when Peter really started to isolate himself. He felt as if he’d lost everything, even though he knew that wasn’t true. It’s just that when you’ve been through half the shit that he has, you really don’t have room left in your brain for anything but overwhelming emptiness. 

He didn’t go searching for Beck, at first. Even though he wanted nothing more than to confide in the man, to be comforted by him, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Quentin had gotten blipped, too. He heard it from May who heard it from Happy who heard it from somebody that used to work with him. Maybe he should have gone after him. Maybe they could’ve heard each other out and bonded over the experience. But Peter was tired. The weight of the last few years came crashing down on him with a sudden viciousness he never expected.

He didn’t hear from Beck for about a year or two. Even after the trauma of it all had become just a bit more bearable and he learned to live with the pain that just wouldn’t go away, he still didn’t seek him out. Peter took up being Spider-Man once again. All of that adrenaline and soaring through the sky served as a great distraction. And for a while, he didn’t think about Quentin at all. Not that he was trying not to. It just felt weird thinking about that piece of his life that he accidently left behind in the world before the blip. 

He’s 20 when he sees Beck again. It was inevitable. They were inevitable. Peter was patrolling one night, going through his normal route, checking every dark corner for trouble. He silently hoped that the monster who called himself Mysterio wasn’t planning anything. There were very few things that made Peter Parker nervous, and Mysterio was one of them. The guy had shit Peter had never dreamed of seeing before. But lucky for him, there was no scheming super-villain waiting for him that night, only a tired looking man being mugged. He took care of the mugger pretty easily. They weren’t superpowered, most of them weren’t intelligent, either, just human. He left the man webbed to a wall a few feet away.

“There you go, sir. All taken… care of.”

Quentin Beck stood before him not looking even a bit thankful for the hero’s help. Peter struggled to keep his demeanor casual, but he hadn’t seen the scientist in what felt like centuries. He was looking a lot rougher than the younger man had remembered. What once was a clean-shaven, smart looking man was now a scruffy, tired pedestrian. Looks like the snap did some damage on him, too. Not surprising, just a bit shocking. They stood there for a couple seconds longer. Beck didn’t do much, didn’t thank him, didn’t say anything. 

“Ah. Guess I should thank you.” Beck murmured nonchalantly. 

Peter laughed awkwardly, inwardly cringing at himself under his mask.

“No need to thank me. Just doing my job.”

And then, before the situation could get more awkward than it already was, he swung away, still feeling unimaginably embarrassed. It was odd seeing his weird teenage crush, not-crush-- whatever Quentin had been-- again. 

When he got home that night, Beck was all he could think about. It drove him crazy. He spent most of the time that should’ve been used for sleeping pacing and contemplating. Thank God he didn’t live with his Aunt May anymore. She used to go mad with all of the pacing he did. The one thing on his mind was: how did Quentin Beck, the man he hadn’t thought about in years, suddenly become the one thing he could focus on? It was to the point that Peter was thinking about returning to work at Stark Industries just to see him again, which was also crazy.

After the snap, he told Happy that he just couldn’t go back. That he would need a few more years at least before he could muster up the mental strength to walk those halls again. And now he wanted to go back, for some guy? He had to be going insane, and yet tapping Happy’s contact on his phone was looking more and more like a great idea. He cursed and glanced at his alarm clock. It was three in the morning, not a great time to make a call. He’d make up his mind in the morning, he decided. For now, all he could do was try to fall asleep and try desperately not to think about hands running through dark hair and intelligent blue eyes


	2. Chapter 2

Peter took his job back. It didn’t take much thought. He knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was to see Quentin again. Happy had been holding his old position for him in hopes that the boy would come back. The possibility of Peter coming back that year was slim, but obviously not impossible because there he was the next day greeting old co-workers and blocking out their pitiful looks. It was odd working in the labs again. He was so used to his job as a waiter that the whole thing was a bit disorienting. Especially considering that 20 year olds aren’t normally offered positions like his. 

He got used to it, though. He always did. Settling back in was pretty easy, and before he knew it, things were almost totally back to the way they had been. Except for the obvious. No matter how hard Peter tried not to, he couldn’t help but feel the absence of Tony’s presence. But whatever gap the man left was filled with reminders that Beck was just down the hall. In fact, the scientist had asked Peter to help him with a new project. One that somehow seemed even more revolutionary than the one he had developed before the blip. 

Beck’s stunningly realistic illusions made using holograms were only the tip of the iceberg when it came to his genius. And also his temper, Peter thinks, because when Tony “lovingly” called the project Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing, or: BARF, Quentin went on a rampage that nearly got himself fired. To be quite frank, “BARF” was practically his child. 

But when it came to Quentin, Peter liked to think that things were just like they had been, back to normal. And with that normalcy came the dorky nervousness that Peter thought was far behind him. Suddenly he was stumbling over his words again and fidgeting with his hands and being an overall ball of awkward energy. This once again prevented him from making a move, no matter how much he wanted to. He just didn’t believe that Beck felt the same way. Which is why he was extremely surprised when the man made a move on him, instead. 

“Hey, I don’t know if I’m coming on too strong, but do you wanna get dinner sometime?”

Peter was blissfully unaware of Quentin’s proposal. He was too focused on the paper in front of him, still scribbling down notes. He just replied with a distracted hum of agreement. He had no idea what was just said, he was simply playing along. Beck caught on pretty quickly.

“Peter, are you listening to me?”

“Yeah, yeah totally. Sounds great.” He dismissed Quentin with a wave of his hand.

“I was also thinking that we should start a boy band with David from down the hall. I mean, the man’s got a great voice.” 

“Mhm, can you hand me that eraser?”

“Peter!”

He broke out of his trance with a start. 

“I’m listening.”

Beck just gave him a fond, disbelieving smile, shaking his head to himself. 

“Alright. What did I say, then?”

“I… Um… Something about- something about David?”

“And what about before that?”

“C’mon man! This isn’t fair!”

Quentin laughed and it totally mesmerized Peter. If he wasn’t careful, he wouldn’t be able to pay attention to anything the man was saying at all. Because when it came to Quentin Beck, Peter had no self control. 

“It’s totally fair! You were just distracted!”

“Okay, okay. Are you gonna repeat yourself or not?”

Peter was bright red by the time he finished speaking, as if he was totally engulfed in the fire of his own embarrassment. It would have been fine if he was with anybody else, but Quentin wasn’t just anybody else. 

“I asked if you wanted to get dinner.” 

“Delivered to the lab? Sure, you want Chinese or something?”

“No, like go out somewhere. Together. If you’d want that.”

Peter just blinked as if he had no idea what language Beck was speaking. Dinner? Out somewhere? Together? Maybe the implications were different. Quentin couldn’t possibly be asking Peter out, right? 

“L--like a date?”

“Only if that’s something you’re okay with.”

There was a prolonged silence for a few seconds. This was the last thing Peter had expected to happen when he started his day. 

“Hey, Peter? Honestly, it’s not that big of a deal. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just thought--”

“No, no! I-- I would love that… I just didn’t know you felt that way about me.”

Quentin simply smiled. The same smile that simultaneously took Peter apart and out him back together. He had to be dreaming, there’s no way he got this lucky. 

“How does tomorrow sound?”

“Great. It sounds great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuhhhhh, am i rushing the plot? i think i’m rushing the plot. fuck me, i just wanna get to the juicy shit


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight, i’m just gonna ignore how long it took for me to update, i’m just as disappointed as you. we’re also gonna ignore how short this chapter is because uhhhh oops?

That night, when Peter went patrolling, Beck was once again, the only thing on his mind. The man just had that sort of effect on him. He was so caught up in daydreaming about his upcoming date that he let a bank robber punch him directly in the face. Man, he was really off his game. But he did manage to get the job done. The police arrived at the scene a few minutes later, meaning that it was his que to leave. 

Mysterio was silent for the second week in a row. Fourteen days without him even sending out a taunting message to Spider-Man. Peter felt like he should’ve been relieved, but he feared that the villain was preparing for an attack twice as big as his last. The last time they went toe to toe, the hero got blown through the side of a building and then hit by a train. There were other more soul-crushing events that he had to deal with. For example, he went through yet another illusion of Tony dying. He wished that the public hadn’t known about Spider-Man’s closeness to Iron Man. It was easy bait for pretty much any villain that wanted to fuck with him, and Mysterio was no exception. 

You’d think after seeing his mentor die over and over again, he’d get at least a bit used to it, or maybe come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t real. Unfortunately, his brain wasn’t catching on. Hey, it only took him two days to get over it after the last time. Only a couple hours of crying here and there, who ever said that recovery was easy?

He got home that night with a dull ache in his head. It wasn’t as bad as his usual injuries, but damn, that thief clocked him good. As he was changing out of his suit, he heard his phone vibrate once on his desk. It was a text from an unknown number.

Unknown (report as trash?): Can’t believe that I’ve never asked for your number 

Unknown (report as trash?): Shit I probably should’ve opened with who I am

Unknown (report as trash?): It’s Quentin

Peter grinned, his mood already improving. He quickly made a contact in his phone for Quentin’s number.

Peter: lol, it’s no problem

Wait, did he reply too fast? Did he seem clingy? Fuck, maybe he should’ve waited a couple of minutes before he hit Beck with that “lol.” Did using text slang seem to childish? Was he overthinking this? Wait, how did Beck even get his number?

Peter: wait, how’d u get my number??

Quentin: Funny story actually

Quentin: I might have asked around a bit until I found somebody that had your number

Quentin: Ha

Quentin: That sounded really creepy didn’t it

To Peter, it wasn’t weird in the slightest. In fact, he found it quite endearing, but he could see how if it was anybody else, it probably wouldn’t be. 

Peter: no, it’s fine

Peter: i’m happy to hear from you

Quentin: Same here

Peter: i’d love to continue whatever this is, but i should probably be getting some sleep

Quentin: Of course, see you tomorrow 

Peter: see you tomorrow 

Peter stared at his phone reading and re-reading the texts for a longer amount of time than was probably normal. He was just so sure that he was dreaming. Quentin texting him? Being so eager to get his number? He was ecstatic. It felt like walking on a cloud. He went to bed, the slowly fading ache in his head no longer a problem.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes, here lies a tad bit of filler to progress the lovely plot. also, a look at our boy mysterio’s point of view 👀

Admittedly, Quentin hadn’t thought this through. He’d been evil scheming, and plotting like a good old fashioned super villain for awhile. His plan had been so simple, so easy to follow. He failed to realize that it was going to be put into action on the same day as his date with Peter. But he had a plan, and he was going to stick to it, dammit! If he was a little late, so be it. It wasn’t ideal, sure, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices. 

He would feel guilty making excuses to give to Peter about why he was so late, but he felt even more guilty about their project. He proposed the idea to Peter a few days after the boy came back, and of course he’d been so excited about the idea. He asked him to help with the project partly because he missed Peter and partly because he knew Peter was the only person with the intelligence to sort Beck’s ideas out. It made him feel like he was using the kid-- and he liked him, he really did-- but he needed this. Mysterio needed this.

Beck fit the device into a discreet place in one of his costume gloves. He wished he had a second one, maybe even a few more, but he could only find a way to sneak out one. This meant he would have to deal with the drones for a bit longer, but he could do that. He could manage controlling them while he got a bit up close and personal with Spider-Man. 

Usually, he would watch the hero from a hidden place in his CGI suit and let his drones do all the talking, but he’s grown tired of the same old routine. He decided that he needed to up his game, make his job of scaring the living hell out of his nemesis a bit more fun. This was why his new invention was so perfect. A compact, new and improved version of BARF to make his “powers” seem even more convincing than before. His burning hatred for Spider-Man just continued to bleed through into his work, no matter how hard he tried to prevent it. 

_____

Peter was overthinking which outfit he should wear when it happened. He hadn’t seen Beck at work that day, the man had some sort of long, convoluted meeting he needed to attend, and it only made Peter more anxious for the date. He’d called MJ more times than was probably acceptable, but she didn’t seem to mind. Her happiness for him practically burst through his phone speaker. He was glad for the support, and she was always willing to give it. 

After he hung up the phone for the third time, he heard what sounded like an explosion followed by terrified screams. Peter wasted no time throwing himself into his suit, all thoughts of his previous plans melted away at the thought of somebody in potential danger. The window in Peter’s room faced an alleyway, no cameras anywhere around it, he checked. Convenient for somebody that didn’t want to be seen, he thought as he flung himself outside. 

The second thought he had was something along the lines of, Holy shit! This was because about 50 yards down the street, Mysterio hovered above the road, a crater below him. Obviously, he was trying to get the hero’s attention, but the thing that worried Peter the most was the fact that the villain was so close to his apartment. For a brief moment, he was terrified that Mysterio knew who he was, and that’s why he was returning, but that was ridiculous. Peter hadn’t done anything that would get him even close to being discovered, had he? 

He banished the thought from his head, climbing up a nearby building, trying to take the man by surprise. His heart was about to explode in his chest, but he was trying his best to ignore it. Spider-Man was going to have to face Mysterio again at some point, right? There was no escaping the villain that had a mysterious hatred for him. 

Before the little bit of courage he had left could escape him, Peter swung to the ground, landing behind Mysterio. He already had a stupid quip on the tip of his tounge and a good feeling in his gut. This was going to go well… Hopefully.


End file.
